The Truth-Day 1: Something You Hate About Yourself

Hate is such a strong word. I don't "hate" anything; hate is of the devil. However, I do strongly dislike some things about myself - things that I constantly have to pray for God to deal with. They may be small things to others but for me, they're a big deal. Generational curses, past events, and the like. Whatever the cause, my God can handle anything.
Anyway, here are a few things:

• My frustration level. I have next to no patience with certain things, and it won't take me very long to get frustrated. Slow computers are a good example, ESPECIALLY when I'm in a hurry. I've actually learned how to talk to the computer in a way that calms me down (LOL). It's almost as if I am talking to an animal or a small child... "Come on, you can do it, that's a good boy."
• Jealousy. Need I say more?
• Shyness. I am unbelievably shy. Ever since I was little I was always scared to say anything in fear of making myself look/sound stupid. Unfortunately, it has affected my ability to say something simple like "I love you" (again, in fear of not getting an "I love you" back.) I've learned that people need to know that I love them, whether they want to say it back or not. It has also affected my ability to ask if someone needs help with something, so then I end up looking like I don't want to help. I've gotten better at this as well, but I still struggle with it, and I wish it would go away. I want to stay humble, but I don't want to be too quiet; this has enabled people to walk all over me and I'm tired of that.
• My fingers. I know that sounds strange. I am loose-jointed in my fingers, which is cool to others but annoying to me. I cannot spread out my fingers and have them be straight. They are straight every other time, just not when I spread them out. I feel like E.T.

I try not to dwell so much on the things I don't like about myself - I just humbly ask God that He would work on these things. Okay, He made my fingers the way they are for a reason... I'm talking about the important stuff. I know most people would say "Those things aren't that big of a deal", but being angry isn't good and neither is being jealous. Shyness wouldn't be that bad if it didn't get me into so much trouble. But the Bible says I am the Righteousness of God in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:21), the Temple of the Living God (2 Corinthians 6:16), and a dearly loved daughter of the Most High (2 Corinthians 6:18.) Knowing these things, why would I want to put myself down?

Day 31: Epilogue: Write a Letter to Yourself.

Dear Katrina,

You've come a long way. I don't think I tell you enough that I'm proud of you. Ever since you were a teenager, you contemplated giving up on your dreams because you thought you were just going to fail anyway. You thought all the cool kids in school were going to end up better than you and you were just a loser. Well, I guess you were wrong. God has had His hand on your life the whole time, and He had so much better for you than you would have ever imagined. Why do you act so schocked all the time? I often hear you say, "Why me?" Why not you? You are a child of the Most High and He loves you with all His heart, why WOULDN'T He bless you as much as He has? Being humble is great, and pleasing to Him - don't change that. But guess what? You're not in school anymore. You don't have to deal with the "popular kids" anymore, you have better things to worry about! Your husband thinks you are the best thing since peanut butter! What could be better than that? You did what God wanted you to do, so quit worrying about what others think of you. Why do you feel so small all the time? There's nothing wrong with being confident, you know. You are so loved and appreciated, probably more than you think. And for Heaven's sake quit being so afraid to love people! If you feel the urge to hug someone, do it! If you feel the need to tell someone you love them, say it!

Sometimes, I just can't stand you. I love you, but you frustrate me. I guess I shouldn't be that way, because after all, God loves you. He sees you as a princess, an angel, His precious baby girl. I know I need to quit being so hard on you all the time, after all, everyone makes mistakes.

But I will say this: You are a big girl now. Act like one.

God put you here for a reason, don't forget that. You're still adjusting to your new life, so stop panicking because you haven't written a song in 6 months. And when you do write another song, make it a happy one! I know you're happier than you've ever been, don't be afraid to show it! You're not offending anyone! Even if you are, they'll learn to deal with it ;)

Love,
Katrina
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Day 30: Someone in your family that means so much to you

Just someone? There are way too many people in my family that mean the world to me for me to pick just one. Of course the first person would be my husband, Karl. We've been through so much together, and he stuck with me the whole way. Every time he looks at me, I can see that he loves me with all of his heart. He is truly my best friend in every way and I couldn't have asked for a better spiritual leader.

Then there's my mom. We always have so much fun when we're together. She's taught me so much and has loved me despite my pain-in-the-butt self. She can answer just about any question I have. Her hugs are amazing. I remember staying up late with her and we would talk about anything and everything. To put it simply, I am so blessed to have her as my mom.

My dad. He has so much wisdom, and I've always respected him for this. He loves the Lord, my mom, and us kids with all of his heart. He makes roadtrips fun and humerous. If he thinks someone is upset, he'll ask what's wrong, and he'll listen. I remember watching baseball and golf with him, and passing the football back and forth in the summer time. And of course, I will never forget the day we got baptized together. Once again, I am so blessed to have him as my dad.

My brother and two sisters - Robert, Alex, and Julie. They are all so special to me and I wouldn't trade them for the world. We may not be as close as I'd like, but I still love them more than I can express. Of course we fought - a lot even. There were days when Robert and Alex would irritate the living daylight out of me. But at the end of day I was able to forgive them, and I hope they were able to do the same - I wasn't always as nice as I should have been to them. They are on my heart and mind on a daily basis.

My nieces and nephew. I'll never forget how happy I was when my oldest niece was born. I was only 10 years old, but I felt like I was getting another little sister, I was that excited. Ever since she and my youngest niece were born, it was important to me to have a relationship/bond with them. And I'm happy to say that I do, everyone says, "They love their Auntie Trina." Then of course there's my nephew, who is going to be three this year. Before I got married, I tried (as hard as I could anyway) to grow a bond with him. Julie says he talks about me so hopefully it worked. He's definitely a special little stinker, and he's going to be quite the heartbreaker when he grows up.

I can't forget my Grandmas. My Grandma Betty and I definitely have a special bond. I lived with her for two years when I was younger, and those were some of the best two years of my life. She set such a great example of what a true God-lover should be. She is a woman after His own heart, no doubt about it. Everyone loves and respects her, and she loves everyone right back. My Grandma Janene and I also have such a special bond. It took me a while to grow close to her due to barely seeing her. But when I was about 11 or 12, I started calling her more, and we grew quite the relationship. Despite her and my mom's ups and downs, we managed to hold on to the bond. About a month ago, I saw her for the first time in eight years. We had the best time, and it just made that bond even stronger. Yep, my Grandmas are the bomb.

Karl's parents. They're so much more than just in-laws to me. They made me feel so welcome as a new addition to the family. Leslie's always there for me to talk to, and John is very protective of me. We all just get along so well. I feel beyond blessed to have "in-laws" that love me as their own, not very many people have that blessing. They are such wonderful people and I couldn't have asked God for a better family for me to be apart of.

Day 29: What WAS your biggest dream in life (you wanted to do as a kid but no longer can)?

I didn't really have any dreams as a kid that I couldn't pursue now if I chose to. I wanted to be a lot of things - a veterinarian, a teacher, a cook. I just simply don't want to be those things anymore. Ever since the age of about 7, I knew I wanted to sing. I had my heart set on it. There were other things I wanted to do, but my dream was to be a singer/musician. I believe I can be anything I want to be, with God's strength. But I choose to do what He wants me to do and who He wants me to be. He has given me the gifts of singing, writing, and drawing, and like I said in the post above, I want to use these gifts to glorify Him. I just didn't understand this concept as a child.

Day 28: What is your biggest dream in life (what one great thing do you want to accomplish)?

My dream has already just about been accomplished. I'm married to the love of my life and I'm happier than I've ever been. My dream is to be all I can be; all that God created me to be. To use the gifts He has given me to glorify Him and lead others to Him. Nothing could be better than that, and no other dream I might have could measure up to it. I guess you could say my dream is to change the world, or atleast part of it. I think most of us have just adapted to the way society is and it's become the "norm", so much so that people are blind to how wrong it is. Prophecy is being fulfilled, but that's not what non-believers think (obviously.) I want God to use me to help others understand why we're all here; that there is hope in this dark world. That there is a "higher power" and His name is God Almighty. That Jesus died for them and loves them with all His heart, and nothing they can do can change that. I want God to help me to bring as many people with me to His Kingdom as possible. It's kind of a big dream, but I know I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. :)