I hate this feeling. I don't want to write any songs or poems. I don't want to draw. I don't feel like doing anything. I'm cranky. Everything ticks me off. I'm clumsy. I'm speechless. Music can't even cheer me up. I feel like crying, but don't see any point in doing so. I'm tired of crying. All it does is make me tired, and then I wake up the next morning only to see how puffy & swollen my eyes are.
I just can't stand being away from him. I don't have any other choice right now, but does that make me feel any better? No, if anything it makes me feel worse. I knew that once I wrote a long sermon about faith, my faith was going to be tested and I'd end up looking like a hypocrite. Well I guess I don't HAVE to look like one - I was preaching to myself as much as I was anyone else. I know having faith is easier said than done - but I also know in the end it will be worth it. My faith in God paid off a year ago when He brought Karl back home and back to me. Having faith that we're gonna be married any time soon? People think I'm crazy (although I personally don't give a hoot.) Getting married before 18 is unheard of nowadays, and that really makes me mad because because some 14 year olds are more mature than 18 year olds. Partying, drinking, getting high and having sex with people you don't even know and potentially ending up (or getting a girl) pregnant and/or with an STD... yeah, real mature.
Sorry, had to get in a little vent session before I went on.
Anyways, I know faith is important, but before I do anything, I need to keep in mind that faith is not THE most important priority. 1 Corinthians 13:13 says, "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." So although faith is valuable, love is the most valuable, and God wants us to love before we have a mountain-moving faith.
I feel a lot better already - just before I quoted 1 Corinthians 13:13, I was going to open the Bible so I could quote that verse word for word. Once I opened the Bible, the very first page I flipped to was 1 Corinthians 13! And just a few minutes before that, I had the radio on and it played the song Stand in the Rain by Superchic[k], which explained exactly how I was feeling. Amazing how God wants our undivided attention and wants us to come to Him with our struggles & burdens =)
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