The Truth-Day 11: Something People Seem to Compliment you the Most On

My eyes, for sure. I'm not sure why, because they don't seem like that big of a deal to me. I guess it's the fact that they're blue and I have long, dark, and thick eyelashes. I get the every-so-often "You're so pretty!" Or indirect compliments - when Karl is introducing me to someone and they say I'm cute, sweet, and the like. I get complimented on my art work, or my singing voice. The ones who know me really well compliment me on my ability to discern (or "sensitive Spirit" as they call it), and my wisdom.

A good friend recently gave me probably one of the best compliments I'd ever received, which was the fact that I am so young, yet so mature in the Lord. She told me she was amazed that I have the ability to lean on Him during hard times and trust in Him when I don't understand why certain things happen (such as, the loss of my baby.) That particular compliment made me so thankful that He chose me and has brought me to this point in my walk with Him. It's neat to be able to say that I might be a "naive, silly 18-year-old" in others' eyes, but His anointing is on me and He has given me a wisdom that I cannot explain. I believe in my heart that He is the reason why I'm pretty, sweet, and smart to other people, because whether they know it or not, they are really seeing Him and His glory, and I'm so humbled to be a reflection of that.

As I write, this verse comes to mind: "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." -1 Peter 3:3-4

Because of this verse, I believe that outward beauty is often a reflection of the Spirit and/or heart. God's hand has been in my life from the beginning so it would be wrong for me to take the credit. It is because of His anointing and His Spirit inside me that I'm beautiful.

The Truth-Day 10: Someone You Need to Let Go of, or Wish you Didn't Know

I'm obviously not going to name any names, being this is a public blogging site.

Quite honestly though, I can't think of anyone that I "need to let go of" and I definitely don't wish to not know someone. I have a different definition of "letting go." Letting go of people, to me, means to surrender them to the Lord; to let Him deal with them and tell me if they should be in my life or not. Because if it were up to me, everyone would be my friend. Unfortunately, I can be very easily influenced, and if someone is leading me down the wrong path or influencing me in a negative way, I shouldn't be hanging around them. Nor should I let others walk all over me and use me, which I have also been a victim of. I believe everyone who has been in my life and is currently in my life is there for a reason. The people who were in my life and aren't anymore - it's okay, because to me that means they weren't supposed to be in my current life (unless it was my fault they walked away.) It's dangerous to hold onto people with white knuckles, because if they do end up walking out of your life, you're going to experience very deep pain! Some people are meant to stay in your life forever, others only for a season. My husband is someone who will be in my life forever. Why? Because he's my husband, and we've made a covenant with God to stay together forever no matter what, the way marriage should be. As far as anyone else, I don't know, because I don't know what God's plans are. We are not garunteed one day, so I don't know when God will choose to take them or take me for that matter. There are people that I really want to stay in my life forever, but God knows what's best for me more than I do.

And there's no one in my life that I've ever wished I didn't know. So far, it has been a privilege to know everyone I have met. There may be people I like more than others, but I never think to myself Gosh, I wish I never even knew this person. It's pointless, because even if I did feel that way about someone, I can't go back and change it!

The Truth-Day 9: Someone You Didn't Want to Let Go, But They Drifted

I've had a lot of people like this in my life, but the one that mattered the most to me was my best friend from middle school. But the "drifting" was not on her part. For the longest time, she was all I had - then Karl came along. That same year, my parents decided to home-school me (I wanted to be home-schooled) which made it harder to see each other and keep in contact because we went to the same school. Me and Karl's relationship grew stronger and more serious so I made more time for him therefore less time for my friend. I kept pushing her away because of my own personal assumptions and other things that I don't feel like going into detail about, but needless to say, I feel almost 100% responsible for our drifting apart.

Oh but we still do talk. And when we do talk, it's a lot and it's always meaningful and fun. We still have such a special bond that I believe will never be broken. I love her to the moon and back and besides Karl, she is still the best friend I have ever had! :)

The Truth-Day 8: Someone Who Made your Life Hell, or Treated you Like Garbage

Nobody "made my life hell." If they did, it's because I let them. I was never abused in any kind of way, my parents stayed together, I had everything I needed.. for the most part, I was always a pretty happy person. I started becoming more and more unhappy once I went into middle-school. At that time, my family of five was living in a 2 bedroom apartment. I had no purpose, nothing to live for, nothing to look forward to, and didn't know where I was going or where I wanted to end up in life. I hated school - everything about it - except for my friends. My friends were the only reason I even went to school when I did. Because I hated it so much, I skipped school on a regular basis. My attendance record was obviously very poor, which made teachers concerned, which lead to me having to speak with the school counselor AND the dean. At one point, I was threatened with Juvi, and I was seeing an after-school counselor. I didn't have good grades in school only because I didn't do my homework. Teachers and school made me feel stupid or not smart, because of my grades. I understood most everything I was being taught, I just didn't do my homework. I'm not sure why...I just didn't. Those three years of middle-school could be deemed as "hell," but it wasn't because of any one person in particular. Most of it was probably my own fault.

Likewise, nobody has treated me like garbage. I have been treated poorly before - actually even by my husband, before we got married. But I've moved on, and I don't think about the times I was treated like "garbage." Sometimes, I treat myself like garbage. At some point, we are all going to be treated unfairly, but that's why God gave us love and forgiveness. That's why He gave us the strength to stand up under those situations and be the better person. Whether I'm being treated like garbage or not, I know the One person who will never treat me like that and loves me with all of His heart. :)

The Truth-Day 7: Someone Who Has Made Your Life Worth Living For

This is an easy topic. Jesus and my husband! I had no meaning or purpose in life until Jesus found me. He taught me to love, forgive, be kind, and see myself as someone worthy and accepted. I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for Him. And I never would have met my amazing husband if it wasn't for Him! Karl also brought meaning and purpose into my life. He makes me feel like I'm on top of the world; like I can do anything. The way he looks at me, the way he talks to me, the way he hugs and kisses me...I've never felt so loved and special. He waited for me for nearly four years, and now treats me like a queen. He treated me like one before we got married, from 1,200 miles away!

I am so blessed. The most blessed woman in the world. These two things are the reason I wake up in the morning - I could not live without either one of them.

The Truth-Day 6: Something You Hope You Never Have to Do

What I've hoped to never have to do, I have had to do this past week. My 14 week old unborn baby went to be with Jesus a week ago, and this is something I literally did not think would happen to me because I figured that God thought I wouldn't be able to handle something like that. I've proven myself wrong in the last couple of days, and so has God. With His strength I have found the will to move on and the ability to find comfort in the peace only He can give. My heart and mind are at ease knowing my little one is with Him - safe and sound - and one day, I will get to wrap him/her in my arms.

What I hope to never have to do? To never go through this again. Though the healing has been faster with each day, the pain and the emptiness is still there, lingering at the bottom of my heart. I know God will deal with that as well, but the grieving process itself is harder than anything I've ever had to go through. I get a lump in my throat walking by the baby section at Walmart, or seeing someone else's ultra-sound pictures... not because I resent them for carrying their baby longer than I did, but because I wish I could have as well.

There are a lot of things I hope I never have to do in my lifetime, but that is the main one. I would most likely bore you to tears if I proceeded to list all of the things I hope I never have to do.