Day 27: What is Your Vocation (Why are You Here on Earth?)

There's not much to write with this one. My purpose is to glorify God, just like everybody else. He didn't place us here on earth for no reason. Jesus DIED for me, so it is my duty to LIVE for Him and spread His good news. I'm supposed to be a blessing to others as much as I possibly can and make the most of each and every day. Do I always do this? No. I'm still human and I make mistakes. But that doesn't take away the fact that that's why I'm here. My plans won't even compare to His, so my purpose is to always follow Him.

What else is there to say? I know what I'm here for and I know what I'm supposed to do. But He loves me so much that He lets ME decide whether or not I'm going to do what He tells me. Is there a consequence if I don't? Yes, I believe there is. But I do love Him enough to try my hardest to do whatever He is calling me to do, no matter who is against it or for it.

Day 26: How do you Handle/Deal with Both Success and Failure?

Like any other individual, I handle success better than failure most of the time. I try to handle success with humility, but it doesn't always happen that way. I don't become boastful or anything but sometimes I forget to give credit where credit is due. Often times I forget to glorify the Lord in ALL that I do, this is something I have constantly had to ask God to help me with. There's nothing wrong with giving myself a pat on the back and being proud of myself, but God created me and I am His image - I am not my own. Success builds up my confidence and makes me feel like I really am good for something. I handle it the best way I know how.

Failure on the other hand... I tend to come down hard on myself, probably harder than necessary most of the time. I guess I have high expectations of myself and when I don't meet up to such expectations, I become very disappointed in myself. Failure definitely humbles me, which is good. But eight out of ten times I forget that God forgives me, and I can't move on until I realize that. What I'm trying to say is that I could definitely use His help in handling both success and failure. :)

Day 25: Discuss Something You Planned that Ended Up Not Being What You Expected

Most things that I plan don't turn out as I expect them to. Sometimes it's a good thing, other times it's a bad thing. But nine out of ten times, I try not to expect and to just go with the flow. The one thing I can come up with is when we moved back in 2003. Something personal happened in our family that forced us to move practically within a couple of weeks. Nobody told me where we were moving to, but I assumed it was going to be better than where we were living. When we pulled up to the apartment complex we were going to be moving into, I was very skeptical. It didn't look nice nor classy, but rather very old and not very taken care of. But I thought to myself, the outside of it might not look the best, but maybe the inside of it looks awesome.

When it came time to move, I was kind of excited. It wasn't too far away from where we were living before, and the people/neighbors seemed nice enough. Once we walked through the door of our new apartment room, I was devastated. Not only was it 3 times smaller than our last apartment, but it only had two bedrooms. I remember instantly feeling very disappointed and almost angry. I thought my family deserved better than that, but I also knew that if this was all we could afford, I had to deal with it. I also thought it was only going to be a temporary thing until we could find someplace better, but we ended up staying there for four years. I think I would have been happier if I would have just let go of my anger and moved on. I know it sounds weird, but even still to this day, I feel the need to... "forgive" the apartment building, per say. Every time we drive by it, I get this sudden feeling of bitterness and sadness. I have forgiven my parents before the Lord just in case I might have been angry with them, but I don't think I was. I was just angry with the situation.

This was definitely a situation where what I had planned didn't end up being what I expected. But, after four years of living there, something else happened that I didn't expect - we moved! Into a house! With four bedrooms! (I never like to sign off of my posts with negative thoughts, hehe.)

Day 24: Discuss a Spontaneous Moment in Your Life That Turned out to be Fantastic

I feel like these moments don't happen very often in my life, but maybe I'm wrong. I can remember one that may seem extremely petty and insignificant, but I will never forget it.

I was about 11 or 12 years old. We lived in an apartment complex that consisted of people of all ages and various races. It wasn't my favorite place to live, but somehow we made it work. One day I was hanging out with one of my friends outside, when all of the sudden I saw an elderly woman walking slowly down the steps that lead to an entrance that was closest to her home. She was struggling to unlock the door and would consistently glance over at me in a very humble manner, but never said anything. I decided to go over and see if I could help. It was a struggle for me too at first, the key kept somehow getting stuck and wouldn't turn. Finally after about three times, I got it to unlock and was able to open the door for her. Her whole face lit up as she softly said, "You are an angel, and don't let anyone tell you differently." It was the most incredible feeling, and still makes me smile every time I think about it. From that day on, every time we passed by each other, she always recognized me and smiled. I really regret not saying good-bye to her before we moved into our current home. I often wonder if she is still alive, as she was quite up there in years when we were living there.

Again, it seems very petty, but it had a huge impact on my life. Any time I'm feeling discouraged, asking God what He could possibly use me for or what is so special about me, I think back to that moment and I can still hear her voice just the way it sounded, and I tell myself, you're an angel and don't let anyone tell you differently - not even yourself.

Day 23: Describe a Truly Spiritual Moment in Your Life

I've had a lot of these, but one that comes to mind is a Christian concert/family festival I went to last year with my mom and a couple of friends. We went a few months ago to the same one but it wasn't nearly as powerful as the one we went to last year. It was an outdoor event, which made it even more fun (to me, anyways.) I felt the spirit of the Lord the minute we walked through the main entrance. All I could see was jumpers/trampolines and bungee cords, but it was the people that were there that made His presence obvious. I felt so young again as I suddenly heard a little voice in my head-- "...you know you want to." Needless to say, my friend and I ran over to one of the inflatable jumpers. The one we went on was called "King of the Hill", and the goal was to get to the top of the jumper, or "hill". It was harder than it sounds.

After we were done embracing our inner youth, we all decided to head over to the stage where the bands were performing. These particular bands weren't very "well-known", but we rocked it out anyways. Some of the bands we were unfamiliar with were "Chasen", "Revive", and "The Museum". They were awesome though. What was really cool was the fact that we got to stand right up front!
Did I forget to mention that it started to rain? It rained off and on all throughout the day, but that didn't stop anyone from having a good time and praising the Lord in song.

After Chasen, Revive, and The Museum, GO Fish performed. Considering their music is mostly for kids, I didn't think I would care for them that much, but they definitely proved me wrong! I've NEVER had so much fun singing "The B-I-B-L-E" before!! They had the whole crowd - kids AND adults - jamming to "This is my Father's World", "Sweet Song of Salvation", and "I'm a Soldier in the Army of the Lord."

Then, our worship leader performed. It was pretty awesome seeing him up on a huge stage compared to our little church stage :)

Next up was one of my favorites - Britt Nicole. She was amazing! The spirit of the Lord was definitely on her the whole time she was singing, even in her "uppity" songs. She always had such a powerful message/testimony to share in between each song, which I think is important. She reminded me a lot of the kind of girl I want to be: on fire for the Lord, smiling and having fun on the stage while glorifying God.

Then Matthew West entered the stage. My friend and I SCREAMED because we both loved (and still love) his music. One of my all time favorites is "Next Thing You Know" which I was SO happy that he performed. The song we were most excited about was "The Motions" (it was popular on the Christian radio station.) The spirit of God was apparent in him also, with every song and every word. Although I think the main reason I shed a couple of tears while watching him perform was the fact that he looked a lot like Karl, and it made me wish he was there with me.

It got even better - Kutless was up next. By this time, it was getting dark, so the stage lights came on, which was SO cool. We definitely rocked it out once they started performing "Strong Tower" and "Hearts of the Innocent." They closed their performance with "What Faith Can Do", which was also popular on the radio, and a very powerful song.

Of course, the best was saved for last. Two words: THIRD DAY. They were incredible! My favorites to sing along to were "Sing a Song for Jesus" and "I've Always Loved You." The last song they sang (before two or three encores) was "Revelation", which was VERY moving for me. At some point during that song, my mom grabbed my hand - while it was in the air. We both held our hands up in praise to God until the song was over. When they walked off the stage, everyone started to shout, "ONE MORE SONG!" repeatedly until they entered the stage again. Nonetheless, they ended up playing about three more songs, then I think everyone decided it was getting late and it was time to go home. My legs were practically numb by the time it was over due to jumping and dancing - so much so that it took me about five minutes to walk downstairs the next morning.

It was nothing short of a spiritual moment. Not just the performances, but the people. While each band was setting up their equipment/instruments, everyone around us was talking and sharing their testimonies to people they had never met before. It was the neatest thing seeing everybody getting along and sharing stories like they had known each other their whole lives. That is the love of Christ right there.

You can see more pictures from the even here.

Day 22: Describe a Dark or Turbulent Moment in Your Life

I've not ever really experienced a moment that would be considered dark or turbulent. If there was, I wouldn't necessarily feel comfortable sharing it publicly. I'm very blessed to say that God's hand of protection has been on my family from the beginning and He hasn't let anything horrible happen to me. The hardest time I ever went through was when Karl and I broke up, but it wasn't "turbulent". I felt alone and broken, and the only truly "dark" moment I had was when I was cutting myself. All I did was carve a heart into my leg with a thumbtack, but I traced it on a daily basis until I made myself bleed, and even a little bit after I bled. It scared me the more and more I did it, and I think I had just enough self-respect to stop doing it. After I read in the Bible about how our bodies are God's temple, that made me feel even more contrite. I consider this a dark moment figuratively and literally. The whole time I was cutting myself, I remember I had this song playing the whole time, repeatedly. It's sung by a Christian artist, "Plumb", who has kind of an Evanescence feel to her music. The song is called "Cut." I also had the lights out in my room the whole time, (hence the term "dark.")

I'm forever thankful that God delivered me from what could have been a horrible habit. The scar is still there, but I'm never sad when I look at it. Instead of being reminded of where I was and what I was going through, I'm reminded of what God saved me from and where I am today. Self-harm does not ease the pain, it rather increases it and eventually converts to self-destruction. When you realize who you are in Christ, how much He loves you and what He did for you, it changes your entire perspective on life and yourself. I remember thinking to myself, He already took a beating for me - why would I want to cause Him MORE pain?