Day 22: Describe a Dark or Turbulent Moment in Your Life

I've not ever really experienced a moment that would be considered dark or turbulent. If there was, I wouldn't necessarily feel comfortable sharing it publicly. I'm very blessed to say that God's hand of protection has been on my family from the beginning and He hasn't let anything horrible happen to me. The hardest time I ever went through was when Karl and I broke up, but it wasn't "turbulent". I felt alone and broken, and the only truly "dark" moment I had was when I was cutting myself. All I did was carve a heart into my leg with a thumbtack, but I traced it on a daily basis until I made myself bleed, and even a little bit after I bled. It scared me the more and more I did it, and I think I had just enough self-respect to stop doing it. After I read in the Bible about how our bodies are God's temple, that made me feel even more contrite. I consider this a dark moment figuratively and literally. The whole time I was cutting myself, I remember I had this song playing the whole time, repeatedly. It's sung by a Christian artist, "Plumb", who has kind of an Evanescence feel to her music. The song is called "Cut." I also had the lights out in my room the whole time, (hence the term "dark.")

I'm forever thankful that God delivered me from what could have been a horrible habit. The scar is still there, but I'm never sad when I look at it. Instead of being reminded of where I was and what I was going through, I'm reminded of what God saved me from and where I am today. Self-harm does not ease the pain, it rather increases it and eventually converts to self-destruction. When you realize who you are in Christ, how much He loves you and what He did for you, it changes your entire perspective on life and yourself. I remember thinking to myself, He already took a beating for me - why would I want to cause Him MORE pain?