Day 8: Good Friday (Vacation Hiatus)

This day never ceases to amaze me. But this year, it amazed me in good and bad ways. Over 2000 years ago, my sins were paid for on an old rugged cross, and my Savior took a beating beyond comprehension so I could have eternal life. I watched the movie "The Passion of the Christ" twice this week, and it was nothing short of overwhelming. I had seen the movie before, but it had been a while. The way I watch this movie differs tremendously from the way I watch other movies - to think that Jesus actually DID go through that and it WAS worse than what the movie could ever try to portray... that's incredible to me. Every time I watch it, I'm stumped on how to react, but my initial reaction consists of tears and the ongoing thought of "I sooo do not deserve what He did for me." I find myself just staring at the TV screen trying to wrap my head around everything that's going on in the film. Trying to get my attention during this movie is nearly impossible. The tears typically don't start flowing until the angry crowd is demanding to crucify Jesus and let the murderer go. I just don't understand how heartless they could have been to accuse an innocent man and sentence him to death for.. what? Being perfect? As whimpy and whiney as it may sound, throughout the entire movie all I seem to be thinking about is how bad I feel for Jesus. I can easily empathize with others, so I can only imagine what was going through His mind while the romans were constantly hitting Him, spitting on Him, and whipping Him. He remained humble and silent, and when He did speak, it was with love.


I can never bear to watch the scene where Jesus is being whipped and beaten by the soldiers. I hate the sight of blood, but I especially hate watching an innocent man practically bathing in His own blood. In other words, I have to turn my head during that scene. I've noticed that every time I watch the movie, I start crying the most while Jesus is carrying His cross and He falls, and then His mother is having a flash-back - it shows Jesus as a child falling, and Mary running to help Him up and hold Him in her arms. She then snaps out of her flashback and runs to Jesus to help Him up, and He continues to carry His cross. After that, the tears start to slow down, and they don't start increasing again until the soldiers are nailing Him to the cross - I have to turn my head during that scene, also. The tears continue as the theif to His left tells Him to remember him in Paradise - that part always gives me chills.


Then the best part of the movie finally arrives - He is Risen!!


As I was saying, this year, Good Friday has amazed me in good and bad ways. The "bad amazement" mainly came from the fact that Earth Day fell on the same day as Good Friday, so guess what? The TV stations are ranting and raving on how to save the environment and plant trees and prevent man-made global warming, which doesn't even exist. All I've been hearing about today is what America can do to save the world from blowing up. When are people going to start waking up? We're so worried about the status of the environment when we aren't even the creators of it, while in the meantime, souls/lives are at stake and people are going to hell. There are more important things than the environment. I understand God sending us down here to take care of His creation but we don't need to freak out and go into a panic thinking the world is going to explode or burn to ashes. Humans' lives/souls are more important to God than the trees and the grass and the air and even the animals. Today is the day He paid for our sins, but instead we'd rather celebrate the earth? At the very least, lets celebrate the Creator of the earth and what He did for us. It just makes me spiritually angry and it makes me wonder how God must be feeling. I care about the environment in a way that isn't extreme - I don't litter and it makes me mad when I see trash on the side of the road. It's just about keeping my priorities straight - going out of my way in attempt to "save the earth" which I will NEVER be able to do, is not on the top of my priority list. I believe leading people to the Lord is more important than trying to do something that is out of my control, HE will save the world.


In conclusion, I stand amazed.. in a good way, because He loves us so much to give His own life for us. Let us celebrate this day in rememberence of His sacrifice and His infinite love for us :)

Day 7: Happy Anniversary, Baby (Vacation Hiatus)

Aprill 11th, Karl and I celebrated 3 years of being together. It's been a long, hard journey - but we have the rest of our lives to look forward to with each other. Last year, we got to spend our anniversary together face to face, but we were so excited to be near each other that we didn't really acknowledge the fact that it was our anniversary. So this year, it was a bitter-sweet celebration, because although it marks 3 years of being together, it also marks one year since I've seen him.

Anywho, a week prior to our anniversary, Karl made it sound like he wouldn't be able to get me a gift this year for our special day. Part of me was crushed, another part of me thought, "well, it's not that big of a deal." Then he said instead, he would sing to me all of the songs he's ever dedicated to me. I was totally okay with that and thought it was the sweetest thing. The day of our anniversary arrived.. he called me early in the morning and was being really sweet and lovey-dovey until he had to get started with his day. I was sad all day because I missed him so much and wondered when I would ever get to see him again. It was 2:00pm, my mom had to go to work, my dad was already at work, and my brother and sister were at a friend's house. I felt lonely so I turned on the radio and tried to enjoy the time I had to myself. All of the sudden, I hear a knock on the front door. Now, I had been taught since I was a little girl not to answer the door for strangers, so I almost ignored it. Then I thought maybe my brother or sister was locked out and wanted to come inside. I open the door and this gentlemen from the local floral shop was holding a beautifully wrapped package of some sort. I thought to myself, "Maybe he has the wrong address"... until he asked me if my name was Katrina. I confirmed that I was she and then he said he had a special delivery for me. The only words out of my mouth thereafter were "Oh my goodness"... I went inside and examined the package. There was a note on the front of it that read: "Katrina - the best three years of my life!" I started crying tears of joy - and the tears increased as I opened the package. Inside was the cutest stuffed animal - a soft and absolutely adorable little lamb. I dug further and found a large box of Abdallah's chocolates. I couldn't believe it! He actually did get me something! I called him and told him he was such a little stinker for making me think he wasn't getting me anything, and then told him how thankful I was for the wonderful gift. You see, every other time he has gotten me a gift, whether it was for my birthday, Christmas, whatever - he always ends up telling me what it is, and I tell him everytime that I like being surprised. Well, I was definitely surprised this time!! So all we had to say at the end of the day was, "I love you," and, "Happy Anniversary, baby." Isn't he cuuuuute??!

Day 6: Something that excites you and fills you with joy

I get excited over the littlest things sometimes. I have a lot to look forward to this year. Something that excites me everyday is when I get to talk to Karl after I'm done babysitting my brother and sister. I get excited when my mom and dad come home from work, I get excited when it's time to go to church, I get excited when we make spontaneous trips to the store or to a friend's house. I even get excited when I log onto Facebook and see that I have notifications or friend requests.

I also find joy in the thought of God fulfilling all that He has promised to me. It excites me to know that I have a calling to ministry through singing and writing music, which is one of my passions in life. It simply excites me to know that He loves me and He will forgive me no matter what I do, and that I have eternal life waiting for me whenever my time comes.

Although, I try not to let my happiness be defined by my excitement - meaning, there is a difference between excitement and true joy/happiness. Excitement is usually temporary, whereas joy is eternal and lasting no matter what the circumstance - if you choose to live that way. I get excited easily, but my goal is to be happy and thankful wherever I happen to be.

Day 5: Something in life that gives you balance

Wow... that's deep. Well, all in all, Jesus gives me balance, and all He has to offer gives me balance. When I'm angry or upset, He gives me joy. When I'm burdened, He gives me peace. When I'm weak, He gives me strength. When I'm happy, He keeps me humble. He is my everything and I'd be nowhere without Him. He fills whatever void I may have and gives me what I need when I need it. He is the only thing I can trust with my whole heart because I know He will never let me down. What else can I say? He keeps my heart, spirit, and life in balance, and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Day 4: Something that is part of your routine that you enjoy.

I'd have to go with the obvious, which is talking to Karl every morning and evening. He brings so much joy into my everyday life and despite the distance between us, I'm thankful that I am able to hear his voice every single day. We've been together for nearly three years and I still get butterflies in my tummy every time he calls me :) I especially enjoy having prayer and/or Bible time with him in the morning, it's a great way to start off my day.

Lately, my routine has consisted of spending time outside, savoring the spring-like weather. This I enjoy also, whether I'm riding my bike, playing basketball with my brother and sister, or just sitting on the patio listening to the birds and watching my kitty roll around in the grass. It's my time to rejoice in the day He has made and truly embrace the beauty of His creation.

Another part of my everyday routine that I enjoy is spending time with my mom at the end of the day. This time includes talking about our day and watching one of four things: Dog the Bounty Hunter, The Nanny, Three's Company, or Storage Wars. Along with God's strength and love, it's these simple happenings that get me through each day. :)

Day 3: Something with which you struggle

I guess I struggle with a lot of things. I have a tendency of accomplishing multiple things and doing really well as far as following a schedule and keeping myself disciplined-- then I stop. I'll become lazy again and then find myself procrastinating, which I hate doing. Although I believe that once the temperatures start increasing and the sun shows its face a little more, I will be more apt to get things done.

It may sound strange, but I also struggle with handling struggles. When a trial or tribulation is taking place in my life, my knee-jerk reaction is to question God and throw a temper-tantrum. It'll take me days sometimes to get my act together and realize that God is in control and everything will be okay - I just wish that would be my very first response, without the 4-year-old behavior.

I also have a habit of eating more sweets than I probably should. That's not the struggle. The struggle is stopping. I have a great metabolism so no matter how much I choose to eat, it doesn't seem to affect my weight. But still, I imagine it's not good for me to be taking in as much sugar as I do.. especially when it comes to chocolate. Oh how I love chocolate. But I struggle more with the amount of soda I drink than I do with the amount of sweets I eat. What can I say, I have quite the sweet tooth. ;)

Day 2: Something You Regret Not Having Done Last Year

Around this time last year, I was getting ready for a trip to Myrtle Beach with my mom, Karl, and his parents. The trip was only four days including travel time. Also around this time we were making potential plans for us and Karl's family to take a trip to Arkansas because I wanted my grandma to meet her future grandson-in-law. When we arrived in Myrtle Beach, I was so excited to be physically near Karl again; to feel his warm hugs and sweet kisses that I had long been waiting for. But I regret not appreciating or taking advantage of the short time I had with him. My thought process was, "well, I'm going to get to see him again in Arkansas in a few months." The trip went by quicker than I thought, so when it came time to saying good-bye, I felt awful. I regret this because not only did it make Karl feel like I didn't want to spend time with him -but the trip to Arkansas never worked out. April 10th will now mark one year since I've seen him.

I also regret not getting my permit and liscence. I know I wouldn't have a car of my own to drive, but at least I would be able to use my mom or dad's vehicle to go where I need to go instead of being picked up and dropped off all the time.

Although I still sometimes think back on these things that I wish I would have done, I've forgiven myself for having not. For me, a life of regrets is a life of misery - I can't move on with my life if I'm still living in the thoughts of "I wish I would have done that." I can't change past mistakes, but I can make sure not to make the same ones in the future. For the Lord said in Isaiah 43:18, "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past."

30 Day Writing Challenge - Day 1

http://danacreative.blogspot.com/2011/01/30-day-writing-challenge.html

Day 1: Something to look forward to this year.

At this point - a lot of things. With it now being April, I look forward to Minnesota's weather hormones being in balance. The snow is melting and spring is in the air, or so it seems. Just the thought of warm(er) weather excites me.

I look forward to spening as much time with my family as possible before I get married. I hope to visit my darling grandmother in Arkansas this summer, preferably on Independence Day as we always do. Then we're praying that God will provide a way for us to visit my other grandma in Tennessee. I look forward to being baptized with my dad this year, as it will be my very first baptism. I've been asking the Lord to restore my relationship with my dad, and He's been giving me a lot of great ideas for activities him and I can do together to make that come to pass.

Last but not least, I look forward to marrying the love of my life. Three years of saving ourselves for each other and living 1,200 miles away from each other means extreme anticipation and excitement for this day to arrive. I look forward to starting a life of my own, taking my music to a whole new level, and sharing the gospel through the music God has given me. I simply look forward to stepping out of the old life and entering into the new. Not to say that I'm jumping for joy because I'll be leaving my family, but I foresee new beginnings coming about in this marriage God has ordained.

All in all, I look forward to seeing what God has planned for me this year. :)