The Truth-Day 12: Something You Never Get Complimented On

I can't really think of anything I "never" get complimented on, but there are things I hardly get complimented on. Some of these things include:

• My intelligence/education level. I'm not saying I'm stupid or anything but I never really was good in school so I understand why I don't get these compliments very often.
• My choice of fashion. I'm usually pretty casual when it comes to clothing, unless I feel like dressing up. So, once again, I get it :)
• My cooking. I'm still a newbie at it :) My husband likes everything I make and appreciates it, and has never had anything negative to say about what I cook, but it's not like, "Wow!! That was an AMAZING meal!" I don't necessarily need that. I'd rather have him be honest with me anyways.

That's all I can think of at the top of my head. I'm humbled to be able to say that there aren't many things I don't get complimented on. That makes me really thankful for who I am and who He has created me to be :)

The Truth-Day 11: Something People Seem to Compliment you the Most On

My eyes, for sure. I'm not sure why, because they don't seem like that big of a deal to me. I guess it's the fact that they're blue and I have long, dark, and thick eyelashes. I get the every-so-often "You're so pretty!" Or indirect compliments - when Karl is introducing me to someone and they say I'm cute, sweet, and the like. I get complimented on my art work, or my singing voice. The ones who know me really well compliment me on my ability to discern (or "sensitive Spirit" as they call it), and my wisdom.

A good friend recently gave me probably one of the best compliments I'd ever received, which was the fact that I am so young, yet so mature in the Lord. She told me she was amazed that I have the ability to lean on Him during hard times and trust in Him when I don't understand why certain things happen (such as, the loss of my baby.) That particular compliment made me so thankful that He chose me and has brought me to this point in my walk with Him. It's neat to be able to say that I might be a "naive, silly 18-year-old" in others' eyes, but His anointing is on me and He has given me a wisdom that I cannot explain. I believe in my heart that He is the reason why I'm pretty, sweet, and smart to other people, because whether they know it or not, they are really seeing Him and His glory, and I'm so humbled to be a reflection of that.

As I write, this verse comes to mind: "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." -1 Peter 3:3-4

Because of this verse, I believe that outward beauty is often a reflection of the Spirit and/or heart. God's hand has been in my life from the beginning so it would be wrong for me to take the credit. It is because of His anointing and His Spirit inside me that I'm beautiful.

The Truth-Day 10: Someone You Need to Let Go of, or Wish you Didn't Know

I'm obviously not going to name any names, being this is a public blogging site.

Quite honestly though, I can't think of anyone that I "need to let go of" and I definitely don't wish to not know someone. I have a different definition of "letting go." Letting go of people, to me, means to surrender them to the Lord; to let Him deal with them and tell me if they should be in my life or not. Because if it were up to me, everyone would be my friend. Unfortunately, I can be very easily influenced, and if someone is leading me down the wrong path or influencing me in a negative way, I shouldn't be hanging around them. Nor should I let others walk all over me and use me, which I have also been a victim of. I believe everyone who has been in my life and is currently in my life is there for a reason. The people who were in my life and aren't anymore - it's okay, because to me that means they weren't supposed to be in my current life (unless it was my fault they walked away.) It's dangerous to hold onto people with white knuckles, because if they do end up walking out of your life, you're going to experience very deep pain! Some people are meant to stay in your life forever, others only for a season. My husband is someone who will be in my life forever. Why? Because he's my husband, and we've made a covenant with God to stay together forever no matter what, the way marriage should be. As far as anyone else, I don't know, because I don't know what God's plans are. We are not garunteed one day, so I don't know when God will choose to take them or take me for that matter. There are people that I really want to stay in my life forever, but God knows what's best for me more than I do.

And there's no one in my life that I've ever wished I didn't know. So far, it has been a privilege to know everyone I have met. There may be people I like more than others, but I never think to myself Gosh, I wish I never even knew this person. It's pointless, because even if I did feel that way about someone, I can't go back and change it!

The Truth-Day 9: Someone You Didn't Want to Let Go, But They Drifted

I've had a lot of people like this in my life, but the one that mattered the most to me was my best friend from middle school. But the "drifting" was not on her part. For the longest time, she was all I had - then Karl came along. That same year, my parents decided to home-school me (I wanted to be home-schooled) which made it harder to see each other and keep in contact because we went to the same school. Me and Karl's relationship grew stronger and more serious so I made more time for him therefore less time for my friend. I kept pushing her away because of my own personal assumptions and other things that I don't feel like going into detail about, but needless to say, I feel almost 100% responsible for our drifting apart.

Oh but we still do talk. And when we do talk, it's a lot and it's always meaningful and fun. We still have such a special bond that I believe will never be broken. I love her to the moon and back and besides Karl, she is still the best friend I have ever had! :)

The Truth-Day 8: Someone Who Made your Life Hell, or Treated you Like Garbage

Nobody "made my life hell." If they did, it's because I let them. I was never abused in any kind of way, my parents stayed together, I had everything I needed.. for the most part, I was always a pretty happy person. I started becoming more and more unhappy once I went into middle-school. At that time, my family of five was living in a 2 bedroom apartment. I had no purpose, nothing to live for, nothing to look forward to, and didn't know where I was going or where I wanted to end up in life. I hated school - everything about it - except for my friends. My friends were the only reason I even went to school when I did. Because I hated it so much, I skipped school on a regular basis. My attendance record was obviously very poor, which made teachers concerned, which lead to me having to speak with the school counselor AND the dean. At one point, I was threatened with Juvi, and I was seeing an after-school counselor. I didn't have good grades in school only because I didn't do my homework. Teachers and school made me feel stupid or not smart, because of my grades. I understood most everything I was being taught, I just didn't do my homework. I'm not sure why...I just didn't. Those three years of middle-school could be deemed as "hell," but it wasn't because of any one person in particular. Most of it was probably my own fault.

Likewise, nobody has treated me like garbage. I have been treated poorly before - actually even by my husband, before we got married. But I've moved on, and I don't think about the times I was treated like "garbage." Sometimes, I treat myself like garbage. At some point, we are all going to be treated unfairly, but that's why God gave us love and forgiveness. That's why He gave us the strength to stand up under those situations and be the better person. Whether I'm being treated like garbage or not, I know the One person who will never treat me like that and loves me with all of His heart. :)

The Truth-Day 7: Someone Who Has Made Your Life Worth Living For

This is an easy topic. Jesus and my husband! I had no meaning or purpose in life until Jesus found me. He taught me to love, forgive, be kind, and see myself as someone worthy and accepted. I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for Him. And I never would have met my amazing husband if it wasn't for Him! Karl also brought meaning and purpose into my life. He makes me feel like I'm on top of the world; like I can do anything. The way he looks at me, the way he talks to me, the way he hugs and kisses me...I've never felt so loved and special. He waited for me for nearly four years, and now treats me like a queen. He treated me like one before we got married, from 1,200 miles away!

I am so blessed. The most blessed woman in the world. These two things are the reason I wake up in the morning - I could not live without either one of them.

The Truth-Day 6: Something You Hope You Never Have to Do

What I've hoped to never have to do, I have had to do this past week. My 14 week old unborn baby went to be with Jesus a week ago, and this is something I literally did not think would happen to me because I figured that God thought I wouldn't be able to handle something like that. I've proven myself wrong in the last couple of days, and so has God. With His strength I have found the will to move on and the ability to find comfort in the peace only He can give. My heart and mind are at ease knowing my little one is with Him - safe and sound - and one day, I will get to wrap him/her in my arms.

What I hope to never have to do? To never go through this again. Though the healing has been faster with each day, the pain and the emptiness is still there, lingering at the bottom of my heart. I know God will deal with that as well, but the grieving process itself is harder than anything I've ever had to go through. I get a lump in my throat walking by the baby section at Walmart, or seeing someone else's ultra-sound pictures... not because I resent them for carrying their baby longer than I did, but because I wish I could have as well.

There are a lot of things I hope I never have to do in my lifetime, but that is the main one. I would most likely bore you to tears if I proceeded to list all of the things I hope I never have to do.

The Truth-Day 5: Something You Hope to do in Your Life

Oh, I hope to do a lot of things! I have the imagination of a child, therefore I dream big. Sometimes I feel like I get way too ahead of myself because I think I can do anything - but my Bible says that I can do ALL THINGS through Christ who gives me strength. The possibilities are endless! I'm the kind of person who wants to change the world. I wish I could somehow bring common sense back into this country, give people an example of what it truly means to love and be loved, and show others the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ - not the religion they are used to seeing in most churches. Now, I am not the president or anything, so influencing EVERYONE in the world would be a huge task, but I can start from where I'm at.

My main wish is to use my gifts and talents for His glory. I hope to one day sell my drawings, record music, and write a book. I hope to set an example for this generation and the one to come. I hope to be a light to anyone and everyone. I hope to be everything He created me to be and do everything He created me to do! Simple as that! :)

The Truth-Day 4: Something You Have to Forgive Someone Else For

As I think really hard about this writing topic... I can honestly say I don't have any unforgiveness towards anyone. I used to hold grudges because I thought it would make me feel better. But I've learned that forgiveness not only frees the person who has wronged you, but it frees YOU. No matter how much people try to deny it, having the desire to plot revenge towards someone is not a good feeling. "Two wrongs don't make a right..." ..."Fire with fire just makes a bigger fire..." both are true. When you answer cursing with kindness, you get a much better outcome than doing the same thing someone else did to you. It just doesn't accomplish anything. That's why I don't understand how people can hold unforgiveness towards someone, especially for a long period of time. It slowly but surely kills you inside.

I have recently had to forgive a lot of people - people that I'm close to (or thought I was close to) and I love with all my heart. I feel a new sense of freedom, and a new love for these particular people. Jesus talks so much about the importance of love and forgiveness, and if only we, meaning the body of Christ, took these things more seriously. I struggle with it myself, until I realize that hatred and unforgiveness have no reward in the Kingdom of Heaven.

The Truth - Day 3: Something You Have to Forgive Yourself For

I'm pretty sure I've forgiven myself for most everything I've done wrong in my life. Even if I haven't, I've asked God to forgive me and in my opinion, that's enough. I haven't seen where it says to forgive yourself in the Bible. But in some cases I do it anyways so that I don't beat myself up for the mistakes I've made.

In saying that, I have to forgive myself on a weekly basis. I'm always going to make mistakes and disappoint people. Not that I enjoy disappointing people - in fact, I hate it more than anything else. I've heard that it is common for the eldest child to be a perfectionist. In my case, this is true. I expect more out of myself than I do anyone else and when I don't meet up to my own expectations, I come down pretty hard on myself. It makes me happy when I can make others happy, so when I make others upset or disappointed, I get such a yucky feeling inside - like I just want to crawl in a hole and not come out until they're happy again. And even though I know people I've disappointed have forgiven me, I still find myself thinking "I can't believe I did that" or "Why did I say that?"

Other than that, there is nothing in particular that I need to forgive myself for. I just need to realize that He will always love me and no matter how many mistakes I make, He will never leave me or forsake me.

The Truth-Day 2: Something You Love About Yourself

I wouldn't exactly say "I love myself." I respect myself and I know I'm worth something; I'm obviously worth dying for, because Jesus died for me! But I do not like or love myself - I love the God in me (the Spirit.) I would be nothing without God. Without God I would be selfish, inconsiderate, hypocritical, and very angry. It's because of His love and His Spirit within me that I am not those things - at least 90% of the time.
Here are some things I can think of off the top of my head that I'm thankful God has given me:

• Discernment. I'm usually pretty good at descerning whether something is good or bad. I've made mistakes, obviously, but most of the time I know a wise decision from a foolish one, and a trustworthy person from a non-trustworthy person. I have been told that I have a very sensitive Spirit, and that it's a good thing.
• Lovingness/Kindness. I have a love for everyone, whether I've met them or not. As a follower of Jesus Christ, I need to love my neighbors as myself (Mark 12:31). The word "neighbor" to me doesn't just refer to people who live near me. It means everyone. Because God created everyone, we are all brothers and sisters. Not all people believe this, but I do, therefore I love everybody as my brother or sister.
• My talents. I get complimented a lot on my talents. I don't like to call them mine, because they came from God, but I guess they are mine because it is my decision to use them or not. Growing up, I always thought my only talent was drawing. Singing has always been (and kind of still is) a hidden talent of mine. I'm extremely shy, so I don't exactly prefer to sing in front of certain people. I have come out of my box a lot though since I've been married to someone who loves my singing. I also write, whether it's journaling, blogging, songwriting, and sometimes even poetry (although most of my poems turn into songs. What can I say? I love music!) I suppose scrapbooking could be considered another talent, but to me it's more of a hobby. Whether they are hobbies or talents - I plan on using them for His glory.
• My husband. Other than my God and Savior, my husband is the best thing about me. He makes me a better person and inspires me more than anyone else. I don't consider him my "other half", he is my other whole. God makes us both complete, so we are two wholes coming together in one body and spirit (Genesis 2:24). Because we are one, my positive characteristics are doubled because he has the same positive characteristics, and even more.

Here is a good closing statement: "We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them." -1 John 4:16 NLT

The Truth-Day 1: Something You Hate About Yourself

Hate is such a strong word. I don't "hate" anything; hate is of the devil. However, I do strongly dislike some things about myself - things that I constantly have to pray for God to deal with. They may be small things to others but for me, they're a big deal. Generational curses, past events, and the like. Whatever the cause, my God can handle anything.
Anyway, here are a few things:

• My frustration level. I have next to no patience with certain things, and it won't take me very long to get frustrated. Slow computers are a good example, ESPECIALLY when I'm in a hurry. I've actually learned how to talk to the computer in a way that calms me down (LOL). It's almost as if I am talking to an animal or a small child... "Come on, you can do it, that's a good boy."
• Jealousy. Need I say more?
• Shyness. I am unbelievably shy. Ever since I was little I was always scared to say anything in fear of making myself look/sound stupid. Unfortunately, it has affected my ability to say something simple like "I love you" (again, in fear of not getting an "I love you" back.) I've learned that people need to know that I love them, whether they want to say it back or not. It has also affected my ability to ask if someone needs help with something, so then I end up looking like I don't want to help. I've gotten better at this as well, but I still struggle with it, and I wish it would go away. I want to stay humble, but I don't want to be too quiet; this has enabled people to walk all over me and I'm tired of that.
• My fingers. I know that sounds strange. I am loose-jointed in my fingers, which is cool to others but annoying to me. I cannot spread out my fingers and have them be straight. They are straight every other time, just not when I spread them out. I feel like E.T.

I try not to dwell so much on the things I don't like about myself - I just humbly ask God that He would work on these things. Okay, He made my fingers the way they are for a reason... I'm talking about the important stuff. I know most people would say "Those things aren't that big of a deal", but being angry isn't good and neither is being jealous. Shyness wouldn't be that bad if it didn't get me into so much trouble. But the Bible says I am the Righteousness of God in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:21), the Temple of the Living God (2 Corinthians 6:16), and a dearly loved daughter of the Most High (2 Corinthians 6:18.) Knowing these things, why would I want to put myself down?

Day 31: Epilogue: Write a Letter to Yourself.

Dear Katrina,

You've come a long way. I don't think I tell you enough that I'm proud of you. Ever since you were a teenager, you contemplated giving up on your dreams because you thought you were just going to fail anyway. You thought all the cool kids in school were going to end up better than you and you were just a loser. Well, I guess you were wrong. God has had His hand on your life the whole time, and He had so much better for you than you would have ever imagined. Why do you act so schocked all the time? I often hear you say, "Why me?" Why not you? You are a child of the Most High and He loves you with all His heart, why WOULDN'T He bless you as much as He has? Being humble is great, and pleasing to Him - don't change that. But guess what? You're not in school anymore. You don't have to deal with the "popular kids" anymore, you have better things to worry about! Your husband thinks you are the best thing since peanut butter! What could be better than that? You did what God wanted you to do, so quit worrying about what others think of you. Why do you feel so small all the time? There's nothing wrong with being confident, you know. You are so loved and appreciated, probably more than you think. And for Heaven's sake quit being so afraid to love people! If you feel the urge to hug someone, do it! If you feel the need to tell someone you love them, say it!

Sometimes, I just can't stand you. I love you, but you frustrate me. I guess I shouldn't be that way, because after all, God loves you. He sees you as a princess, an angel, His precious baby girl. I know I need to quit being so hard on you all the time, after all, everyone makes mistakes.

But I will say this: You are a big girl now. Act like one.

God put you here for a reason, don't forget that. You're still adjusting to your new life, so stop panicking because you haven't written a song in 6 months. And when you do write another song, make it a happy one! I know you're happier than you've ever been, don't be afraid to show it! You're not offending anyone! Even if you are, they'll learn to deal with it ;)

Love,
Katrina
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Day 30: Someone in your family that means so much to you

Just someone? There are way too many people in my family that mean the world to me for me to pick just one. Of course the first person would be my husband, Karl. We've been through so much together, and he stuck with me the whole way. Every time he looks at me, I can see that he loves me with all of his heart. He is truly my best friend in every way and I couldn't have asked for a better spiritual leader.

Then there's my mom. We always have so much fun when we're together. She's taught me so much and has loved me despite my pain-in-the-butt self. She can answer just about any question I have. Her hugs are amazing. I remember staying up late with her and we would talk about anything and everything. To put it simply, I am so blessed to have her as my mom.

My dad. He has so much wisdom, and I've always respected him for this. He loves the Lord, my mom, and us kids with all of his heart. He makes roadtrips fun and humerous. If he thinks someone is upset, he'll ask what's wrong, and he'll listen. I remember watching baseball and golf with him, and passing the football back and forth in the summer time. And of course, I will never forget the day we got baptized together. Once again, I am so blessed to have him as my dad.

My brother and two sisters - Robert, Alex, and Julie. They are all so special to me and I wouldn't trade them for the world. We may not be as close as I'd like, but I still love them more than I can express. Of course we fought - a lot even. There were days when Robert and Alex would irritate the living daylight out of me. But at the end of day I was able to forgive them, and I hope they were able to do the same - I wasn't always as nice as I should have been to them. They are on my heart and mind on a daily basis.

My nieces and nephew. I'll never forget how happy I was when my oldest niece was born. I was only 10 years old, but I felt like I was getting another little sister, I was that excited. Ever since she and my youngest niece were born, it was important to me to have a relationship/bond with them. And I'm happy to say that I do, everyone says, "They love their Auntie Trina." Then of course there's my nephew, who is going to be three this year. Before I got married, I tried (as hard as I could anyway) to grow a bond with him. Julie says he talks about me so hopefully it worked. He's definitely a special little stinker, and he's going to be quite the heartbreaker when he grows up.

I can't forget my Grandmas. My Grandma Betty and I definitely have a special bond. I lived with her for two years when I was younger, and those were some of the best two years of my life. She set such a great example of what a true God-lover should be. She is a woman after His own heart, no doubt about it. Everyone loves and respects her, and she loves everyone right back. My Grandma Janene and I also have such a special bond. It took me a while to grow close to her due to barely seeing her. But when I was about 11 or 12, I started calling her more, and we grew quite the relationship. Despite her and my mom's ups and downs, we managed to hold on to the bond. About a month ago, I saw her for the first time in eight years. We had the best time, and it just made that bond even stronger. Yep, my Grandmas are the bomb.

Karl's parents. They're so much more than just in-laws to me. They made me feel so welcome as a new addition to the family. Leslie's always there for me to talk to, and John is very protective of me. We all just get along so well. I feel beyond blessed to have "in-laws" that love me as their own, not very many people have that blessing. They are such wonderful people and I couldn't have asked God for a better family for me to be apart of.

Day 29: What WAS your biggest dream in life (you wanted to do as a kid but no longer can)?

I didn't really have any dreams as a kid that I couldn't pursue now if I chose to. I wanted to be a lot of things - a veterinarian, a teacher, a cook. I just simply don't want to be those things anymore. Ever since the age of about 7, I knew I wanted to sing. I had my heart set on it. There were other things I wanted to do, but my dream was to be a singer/musician. I believe I can be anything I want to be, with God's strength. But I choose to do what He wants me to do and who He wants me to be. He has given me the gifts of singing, writing, and drawing, and like I said in the post above, I want to use these gifts to glorify Him. I just didn't understand this concept as a child.

Day 28: What is your biggest dream in life (what one great thing do you want to accomplish)?

My dream has already just about been accomplished. I'm married to the love of my life and I'm happier than I've ever been. My dream is to be all I can be; all that God created me to be. To use the gifts He has given me to glorify Him and lead others to Him. Nothing could be better than that, and no other dream I might have could measure up to it. I guess you could say my dream is to change the world, or atleast part of it. I think most of us have just adapted to the way society is and it's become the "norm", so much so that people are blind to how wrong it is. Prophecy is being fulfilled, but that's not what non-believers think (obviously.) I want God to use me to help others understand why we're all here; that there is hope in this dark world. That there is a "higher power" and His name is God Almighty. That Jesus died for them and loves them with all His heart, and nothing they can do can change that. I want God to help me to bring as many people with me to His Kingdom as possible. It's kind of a big dream, but I know I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. :)